


i'm slowly drifting to you

by wintersend



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Almost Drowning, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Pirate, F/M, Flashbacks, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Happy Halloween!, Presumed Dead, Reunions, Treasure Hunting, i'm sorry about the 'plot' it's barely held together by ducttape, soft pirates in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27306274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersend/pseuds/wintersend
Summary: "It's haunted.""I've heard."Whoever is in possession of the goblet will be dragged to hell by their dead loved ones. Well, she’s been the proud owner for a few days now and she’s seen no signs of ghosts and no signs of hellfire. But if any is yet to come, Jyn is sure it’ll be entertaining.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Jyn Erso & Bodhi Rook
Comments: 36
Kudos: 64





	i'm slowly drifting to you

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't gonna write something for Halloween, but somebody at tumblr gave me a prompt about pirates, and this was born. I'm really not a pirate person though, so I don't have a lot of knowledge about... pirate stuff, I guess. Basically, I just based the setting on my memories of playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag.
> 
> Italics are flashbacks, the rest is present day. Happy Halloween, guys! :)

She’s close, after all this time, she’s finally close to finding the goblet. She can taste it in the air, in the saltiness of the water; something is coming, something is changing.

Bodhi says, as he’s been saying for years, that she should forget about it. Move on and pillage other ships like _normal_ pirates do. But how could she? She’s spent the last nine years looking for Captain Skywalker’s chest and she can’t give up before the finish line. No matter how dangerous it gets.

Bodhi, bless his heart, is just a little superstitious. Most pirates are, to be honest.

“It’s haunted,” he often warns her.

“I’ve heard,” Jyn responds every time.

It doesn’t scare her. She’s haunted too, has been her whole life, and she’s managed just fine so far. A few more ghosts won’t bother her. It’s the absence of them that might.

Jyn stands barefoot in the sand at sunrise, watching the waves crash against the bank. The early morning sun paints everything in a lovely shade of pink and gold, its warm rays like gentle fingertips across her skin, the soft breeze caressing her body. Nothing exists but her and the water – and memories long-gone of a life she never truly got to live.

She’s buried them all at sea, and times like these are when she feels most connected to her dead, each of them waiting below the surface. She feels almost as if they’re calling out to her from the deep, asking her to join them.

She couldn’t, not yet, but when the time was right, she would walk into the sea and disappear for good. Let the waves claim her body, let her become a part of them forever. It’s a peaceful thought. She’s always belonged to the sea, and she belongs with the rest of them, the ones that the water has already claimed for itself. It’s home to her, and home is calling her back.

For now, she settles for the sunrise. _Just take a moment and watch the sunrise,_ a voice whispers in her ear, in her memories. _Just come watch the sunrise with me, Jyn. Come on and be with me. You’ll have time for sparring later._

Jyn lets out a quiet breath and kneels next to the bank, her fingers grazing the water as if touching skin she’s once worshipped, as if reaching for a lover she’s once had. It’s a connection between them, this water. A link to him, a link to the past, a link between her and wherever he is now. Somewhere peaceful, she hopes.

A soft but sad smile tugs at her lips. “This one’s for you, my love.”

* * *

_Jyn sits in a seedy tavern in Havana, eyeing Captain Andor with suspicion and a glare that screams, ‘try me and see what I can do.’ She has a hand on her knife in her pocket, the other lazily resting on the pistol in her holster. It’s an open warning, almost a challenge, but Captain Andor doesn’t rise to the bait._

_If anything, he seems unbothered. Almost frustratingly calm._

_Jyn would think that’s foolish or cocky, or perhaps he’s underestimating her simply because she’s a woman; but somehow, she doesn’t believe this is the case. There’s something about him that’s genuine. It’s not cockiness, she thinks, it’s confidence – and his confidence is earned._

_He’s a dangerous man if the stories are true, but she’s a dangerous woman herself. If they could learn to trust each other, there would be no one better to find the hidden treasure of Captain Skywalker than the two of them._

_The trust part, she’s not good with. But although she’s not sure yet what to make of the man in front of her, she’s willing to see if it works out in her favor._

_“The goblet is haunted,” he comments lazily, though he doesn’t sound like he believes it. Jyn raises an eyebrow._

_“I’ve heard.” Her tone is dismissive._

_“According to legend, it brings back the dead you’ve lost,” he continues. “You find it and it gives them back to you.” A wry smile twists on his lips. “But then they will drag you down to hell with them.”_

_Jyn holds back a bitter laugh. How many times has she heard that story? How many times has her father conveniently forgot about the last part? How many times has she been left at strange ports with strange people while he went on his wild adventures to find the goblet that would bring back her dead mother? Her father had been a man of science once, but the loss of his wife weighed heavily on him, and sinister voices whispering in his ear convinced him that finding the goblet was a way to make their family whole again._

_In truth, Orson Krennic was probably just a money-hungry, cruel, and bored aristocrat who had nothing better to do than manipulate vulnerable men into doing the dirty work for him. Jyn resents both him and her father for that._

_No, she doesn’t want the goblet to bring back dead people from the grave. She doesn’t believe in those childish stories anymore. She wants the goblet to sell it._

_And she wants it to prove that she could do it. Do what her father couldn’t. Finish what he started._

_But she isn’t about to share that with Captain Andor._

_“It’s a golden goblet with ruby stones. It’s just money.” She pauses, shrugging her shoulders. “And the legends make it easier to sell. What naïve and wealthy widow wouldn’t want a relic that brings back their beloved spouse?”_

_Captain Andor’s lips quirk up, barely noticeable. “If you leave out the part about being dragged to hell.”_

_Jyn finally lets go of her pistol and reaches for the jug of beer on the table. “I find that part,” she begins, her tone conversational, “is very easy to forget.”_

* * *

This is the one.

Jyn knows in her heart that she’s found it. The island is unmarked on any maps, and the entrance to the cave is underwater, hidden by seaweed and algae. Her lungs burn when she breaks surface, gasping for breath as she pulls herself up to the cave floor.

This is the one.

It sings in her veins, pulses through her body. She’s going to find it, finally, the goblet, the treasure – everything she’s been looking for in the past nine years.

“It’s haunted,” Bodhi’s voice echoes in her mind.

Jyn stands, undeterred, and marches forward to the heart of the cave.

She hopes it is.

* * *

_Jyn glares menacingly at the cruel-faced guard as he opens her cage and walks towards her. Her hands might be shackled but she has a mean kick, and if he tries anything –_

_To her surprise, the man reaches for the chains behind her and unlocks her hands. They clatter to the floor with a loud noise, but Jyn continues glaring at the guard in suspicion._

_“You’re free to go,” he grunts._

_“What?” She doesn’t trust this one bit._

_Where’s the catch? Henry ‘Scar Face’ Whitlock is not known for his mercy. She stole his goods, blew up one of his (smaller) ships, and stabbed three of his crew members. One of them bled out. Another lost an arm._

_She expected to be hanged or quartered for it – made an example, for certain._

_He can’t just be letting her go now. It has to be a trap._

_But what would he gain from such a lie?_

_“Move,” the guard says and gives her an unnecessarily forceful shove that sends her flying against the walls of the cage. If it wasn’t for the small chance that she was about to walk out of here scot-free, she would have kicked his legs out for that._

_But if she’s really free… could it be true?_

_As she gets up and uncertainly walks up to the main deck, she half expects to be stabbed in the back. It’s just too easy – but she can’t figure out why they would trick her like this when they could just tie stones to her feet and throw her overboard. It’s only when she sees Cassian waiting for her next to Captain Whitlock that the situation begins to dawn on her._

_He’s saved her somehow. Of course he has._

_For a wild second, she thinks he traded himself for her – he would be entirely capable of it, but where’s the profit in that for Whitlock? He has no grudge against Cassian, only against her, and she can’t see why he would accept such a deal unless he realized that Cassian’s death would be a greater punishment than her own._

_But she’s not that transparent yet. She thinks._

_She hopes._

_Then Whitlock gives her a foul grimace that says he would still very much kill her if he could, and gestures, with some reluctance, towards the ramp leading to the harbor._

_“Get out of my sight, Erso. And don’t fuck with me or my crew again, or even your captain won’t be able to save you next time.”_

_Jyn doesn’t say anything until they reach the shore safely, burning with a thousand questions. A part of her still expects them to be ambushed at the last minute, but Whitlock and his crew watch in silence as they walk off the ramp and disappear into the night. How Cassian managed to pull it off is beyond her, but if anyone could, it would be him._

_When they’re an appropriate distance away, Jyn can’t hold herself back anymore. She stops and rounds on Cassian, eyes wide and demanding._

_“What did you give him?” she asks because if she’s sure of one thing, it’s that Whitlock didn’t just let her go for free._

_Cassian lets out a quiet sigh and shrugs. His eyes, glowing in the soft light of the moon, won’t quite meet hers. There’s something strange about him. Like he’s trying desperately to underplay it._

_Which doesn’t bode well for them. Jyn’s heart lurches – what the hell did he do?_

_“I gave him my ship,” Cassian admits quietly. For a moment, Jyn hears nothing but the song of the cicadas as she tries to process this information._

_“You gave him your ship?” she echoes, breathless and eyes wide._

_“Yes,” he confirms, very even, very steady._

_“Cassian,” she begins, her words slow as if she was talking to a child, “captains need a ship._ We _need a ship. Where are we going to get a new one? We don’t have that kind of money! What about the crew? Kay is going to kill you –”_

_“Jyn, he had you,” he cuts her off, his tone leaving no room for argument. As if that trumped everything else. Jyn blinks at him in shock, half delirious with – with –_

_“You’re crazy,” she breathes in awe. She can’t take her eyes off him. Nobody has ever…_

_Nobody has felt – nobody has done –_

_Nobody has made her feel like this before. Like she matters. Like she’s loved._

_“You treated your ship for me?” she asks, half laughing, hardly daring to believe it._

_Cassian shrugs again, but there’s a smile on his lips, a smile just for her. It’s small and kind and full of devotion._

_“It’s just a ship. What kind of captain would I be if I let my first mate die?”_

_“You’re crazy,” she laughs again, and that same second, impulsively, springs forward to kiss him. It’s been a long time coming, she thinks as Cassian kisses her back without hesitation, his hands tangling in her hair. Two years of working together, two years of building a relationship that couldn’t be betrayed, couldn’t be replaced. Jyn doesn’t remember a time that his presence didn’t leave her breathless, that a soft comforting touch on her shoulder didn’t make her long for more. Maybe in those first few days, in the beginning – but quickly, very quickly, he became everything to her, and she could never go on without him._

_It’s been a long time coming, yes. And now she’s going to enjoy it._

* * *

It doesn’t bring her peace.

She didn’t think it would. But she thought it would give her satisfaction, at least. _Look, Krennic, I got your little treasure. Look, Papa, I finished what you started. Look, Cassian, I did this for you. For us._

But it’s just… underwhelming. She can’t even bring herself to sell it. It would be worth more than the rest of the treasure combined, but she stares at it in her cabin during the night and she can’t sell it.

What use is it? Nothing would bring them back, bring him back. The money she’d get from the goblet, it’d just feel tainted, wrong. Blood money.

Maybe she’s irrationally attached but who can blame her? Her father spent half his life looking for the damned thing until a storm swallowed his ship whole and he was never heard from again. His obsession with the goblet had killed him and Jyn had hated it then, hated it more than ever, but still, she’d become similarly obsessed. Just to prove something.

And then it brought her Cassian. It gave her something after it took so much. The years they spent looking for it together, that was her treasure.

And now that he’s gone, she can’t relinquish it. If she does, what else is left of them? Only her memories – and memories rot.

Jyn sighs under her breath, sitting at a corner table of an inn with Bodhi, drumming her fingers on the wood as she stares out of her head. What is she meant to do now?

Bodhi watches her in silence for several minutes and Jyn is distantly aware that he seems contemplative, but she’s too lost in her own head to question it. Eventually, he lifts a hand to still her fingers.

“Liana,” he begins, and Jyn’s eyes snap to his. Bodhi is a good man and she trusts him more than she trusts anyone else, but even he doesn’t know her real name. It’s just easier this way – Jyn Erso dropped off the face of the earth five years ago, and she had to stay gone. But she thinks Bodhi has always known it’s not her true name, and he doesn’t mind. “Have you noticed anything weird since?”

She rolls her eyes and begins drumming her fingers again. “Don’t start, Bodhi. I’m not haunted.”

“I’m just asking. You should really sell it.”

She knows why he’s saying that. The legends, of course. Whoever is in possession of the goblet will be dragged to hell by their dead loved ones. Well, she’s been the proud owner for a few days now and she’s seen no signs of ghosts and no signs of hellfire. But if any is yet to come, Jyn is sure it’ll be entertaining.

“I can’t.”

“Isn’t that why you wanted it?”

“Yes,” she says, then stops. “No.”

“I don’t understand you sometimes.”

Jyn snorts, looking away. “I don’t understand me sometimes.”

And that should be the end of it. Jyn with her goblet and her money and the lack of purpose in her life now.

But fate has a different plan for her. And maybe she _is_ fucking haunted.

Because when her gaze sweeps over the tavern, she swears she sees a familiar face push through the crowd and disappear out into the night.

Jyn stares at the door for long a time, frozen in place, her heartbeat running wild in her chest. The white noise in her head blocks out everything else. She thinks Bodhi might be calling her name, asking if she’s okay, but she can’t answer, can’t even turn her head to look at him. She stands on trembling legs, her body carrying her towards the doors – and then she’s running, taking off in the direction that she saw him heading.

The streets are dark and deserted. Only the sound of waves and the singing of cicadas break the silence. She looks around wildly, looking for a retreating shadow in the night or perhaps the sound of footsteps nearby, but there’s nothing. Nothing but the wind and her loudly beating heart.

She couldn’t have… did she imagine it? Perhaps she had too much to drink, Bodhi stuffing her head with his nonsense, but she could have sworn…

Jyn shakes her head, trying to let the fresh air clear her hazy mind of these childish thoughts. Bodhi is panting behind her, calling her name, her fake name, and Jyn finally turns to look at him, seeing his wide eyes filled with worry.

“Are you okay?”

Jyn gives a sharp nod, trying to ignore the wild beating of her heart. Better not to plague Bodhi with her hallucinations, he’s worried enough about her as it is. No need to fuel the fire.

“Just thought I saw someone who owes me some money,” she lies, ignoring the skeptical look he gives her. “It’s not a big deal.”

It can’t be.

She would be very cross with Cassian if he's really here to drag her to hell.

* * *

_Cassian’s fingers are soft on her cheek, stroking her skin, carding through her hair. Her own hand rests on his chest, feeling his heartbeat steady under her palm. They’ve been silent for minutes but she hasn’t stopped looking at him, couldn’t stop touching him. She’s never felt intimacy like this before. Like someone could look at you, see your soul, see all the darkness and pain that you hide inside, and still choose to stay. Still decide that you’re worth the trouble._

_She’s naked in front of him in more ways than one and she’s never thought it would feel so wonderful. So freeing._

_Cassian has taught her a lot more than just love._

_“Did you think we’d end up here when we first met?” she wonders, her tone quiet, matching the tranquility between them. Cassian chuckles._

_“I thought you’d kill me in my sleep one day.”_

_She scoffs at that. “You didn’t seem afraid.”_

_“I wasn’t.”_

_“Hmpf. So ready to throw yourself at death’s door. You know, I actually thought you might have traded yourself for me.”_

_“I would have,” he admits, honest as always. “If that’s what it took. But not unless there’s no other choice.” His eyes bore into hers, dark and deep and almost frightening in its intensity. Her heart beats a little faster at the sight. “I don’t want to leave you behind.”_

_She swallows. “Please don’t.”_

_Cassian strokes her cheek, a gentle smile on his lips._

_“I love you.”_

_It’s not a promise but it’s enough. Jyn beams back at him._

_“I love you too.”_

_Who cares about the stupid goblet as long as she has him?_

* * *

Jyn wakes to the sound of music in the middle of the night. For a second, her mind is pleasantly blank, merely enjoying the soft melody filtering through the window of her room.

Then she thinks:

 _Cassian._ Cassian used to play like that.

And then:

Cassian is gone.

Blinking herself awake, Jyn sits up in bed. Her eyes dart around the room she’s rented for the night but nothing seems amiss. Her hand hovers above the lantern on the nightstand but a strange irrational part of her doesn’t want to draw attention to herself. She blames Bodhi for that.

His words, and Cassian’s, ring in her mind.

_It’s haunted._

_You find it and it gives them back to you. But then they will drag you down to hell with them._

Thinking about the sighting of Cassian from earlier, she gets out of bed and ambles to the window. The curtains are drawn and her fingers hover above the fabric, hesitant, somehow, to withdraw them. She’s trembling.

Jyn takes a deep breath and pulls back the curtains.

Cassian sits on a bench on the street, his eyes trained on his banjo. Jyn gasps in shock and reels back from the window like she’s been burned. He seems… so real. Sitting there, his fingers flying over the instrument, playing some slow, sorrowful melody that tugs at her heartstrings. A song of lost love.

He’s come for her after all.

Frozen on the spot, her breathing harsh and gasping, all she can do is watch as he plays his banjo. He never takes off his eyes the instrument and he doesn’t seem to notice her. Her room is on the second floor so she has a perfect view of him sitting outside, illuminated by the moonlight, while she remains shrouded in the darkness of her room.

But if he’s come for her… surely, he knows she’s here.

Jyn’s legs give out, and she sits under her window, pressing herself tightly against the wall to just… listen. She listens to his song. Listens to the melody, haunting and beautiful, like he is himself. Every sound, every note pulls at her heartstrings. A song for the lost and the dead.

And Jyn sobs. For him and for herself, for her parents, for everyone she’s ever lost. She sobs, quiet and gasping, until she has no more tears left, lulled back to sleep on the floor by the melancholy tune that Cassian’s ghost is playing.

* * *

_Cassian comes to her in a dream. It’s a familiar one; one she’s seen many times before, and one she will see many times more. He’s not dead and not alive – he’s a revenant and he’s hers, just for tonight, until dawn breaks and morning takes him away._

_But he’s different this time. Sturdier, steadier. Buzzing with a kind of unquiet energy that she’s not used to. Like he’s waiting for something. Jyn doesn’t want to mention it, their stolen moments together too precious to tarnish, but it weighs her mind with questions._

_When their time comes and he gets up and heads to the door, she reaches after him. She does this on every occasion, tries to convince him to stay, tries to forcibly, physically make him stay – but her words are different this time, her desperation becoming an inferno, and his response is a mystery._

_“Cassian,” she calls out to him, struggling to sit up and catch his arm. He’s already at the doorway, between life and death, between her and the sea, looking back at her and hesitating. “Don’t go. How could I live in a world where you don’t?”_

_He takes a step through the door, where nothing but the empty awaits him and gives her the strangest of smiles. “It’s almost time, my love. Almost time.”_

* * *

“I think I’m haunted,” Jyn admits to Bodhi the next day, and he gives her a hard look. She thinks it’s the tone of her voice, sad and defeated, that stops him from telling her _“I told you so.”_

“What happened?” he asks instead, and Jyn shrugs, eyes downcast, looking at the mug on the table, the tea untouched and growing cold.

“I saw… someone,” Jyn admits slowly, pausing before she adds, “ _Him._ ”

Bodhi never had the chance to know Cassian. She met him after Cassian was already… gone. He knows a little about him; she’s admitted to having a dead lover in her weaker drunken moments, but she’s never talked about him much. Jyn always has preferred to live in denial, and Bodhi knows better than to ask.

Still, with the way she says it and the way she gives him a meaningful look, he knows who she’s talking about.

“I think he’s come for me.” She pauses, a bitter laugh escaping her mouth. “It makes sense. The goblet always was our adventure. It’s how we met, you know.”

The look Bodhi gives her is a mix of pity and worry. Jyn is uncomfortable with both, even though she knows he means well. Luckily, he doesn’t try to say anything stupidly comforting like “I’m sorry” or “it’s all going to be okay” because he knows her better than that, and he knows she might punch him in the mouth for it.

Instead, he looks her in the eye and tells her, “You should really get rid of it, Li. Before it’s too late.”

Jyn nods. She knows he’s right.

But some part of her is not ready to let go yet.

* * *

_It takes less than an hour for everything to change._

_Jyn wakes up that day like usual in the captain’s cabin she now she shares with Cassian and goes to sleep that night in a holding cage of a navy ship, alone in the world once again._

_Krennic has a personal grudge. And so does she. So naturally, she can’t resist the opportunity to raid his ship, steal his cargo, and leave him wounded and nursing a broken ego._

_In hindsight, she should have killed him then. But she thought the humiliation would be a more suitable punishment._

_Six months later, he comes back with a vengeance and a small navy fleet, blowing a hole through their ship with his cannonballs. They fight valiantly when his crew boards their slowly sinking ship, but it’s a lost cause – Jyn knows it’s a lost cause, Cassian knows it’s a lost cause, and Krennic, especially, knows it’s a lost cause. He seems very pleased with himself too, and Jyn would punch the smirk right off his stupid smug face if her hands weren’t bound behind her back by one of his henchmen._

_“Well, well, well. Didn’t think I’d catch up to you, did you?” Orson Krennic asks, strutting in front of her like a peacock, hands clasped behind his back. Jyn spits in his face._

_Krennic blinks once, twice, before he slowly wipes at his eyes with a headkerchief he produces from his breast pocket. The backhanded slap he gives her stings, sending her sprawling to the floor._

_“You touch her again,” Cassian growls, straining against the guards holding him back, “and I’ll break every bone in your hand one by one.”_

_The glance Krennic gives him is dismissive, like Cassian isn’t even worth the time to look at. He gestures to the guards next to Jyn who haul her back to her feet. She stands proud, chin high, glaring at him even as her hands are tied behind her back. His ring has left a mark but she’ll be damned if she’ll let him humble her._

_“Very feisty, aren’t you? I wonder if you’ll keep the same attitude once I have you locked away in Wobani for life.”_

_Jyn doesn’t react outwardly but her heart beats faster. Wobani is infamous for its cruelty and inhumane methods. Nobody leaves, not unless they’re dead. Only the worst of the worst, the most dangerous criminals end up there._

_She supposes she belongs among them._

_Another gesture from Krennic and the guards haul her towards the railing to transport her to Krennic’s ship. Stardust is slowly sinking and she knows it’s the least of her worries, as most of her crewmates lay dead at her feet, as Kay lays dead at her feet, but her heart aches at the sight. They’ve bought this ship together, Cassian and she, after he gave away his old one to Whitlock. It’s theirs. And it hurts to see it go down._

_“What about him?” asks one of the guards holding Cassian._

_“Leave him,” Krennic answers easily, a sick sort of smugness in his voice. “Let him go down with his ship, as all good captains do.”_

_“No!” Jyn shouts, struggling against her captors harder. She shouldn’t give away her weakness – she knows, she knows she shouldn’t give him ammunition – but Krennic has made up his mind anyway, so what difference does it make?_

_Too upset to think rationally, she begs him. “Don’t do this. He’s worth a lot more to you alive. He has a bounty on his head higher than mine.”_

_“I don’t need the money, you silly little girl,” he tells her, dismissive. “I just want you put away for good.”_

_“No!”_

_Jyn continues struggling as she’s dragged away, followed by Krennic and his guards. She watches the men holding Cassian tie him to the mainmast, making sure he can’t escape, before joining the rest of them. Krennic’s ship pulls farther away and Stardust sinks lower and lower into the ocean, but her gaze never leaves Cassian as long as she still sees him._

_His eyes are regretful, apologetic. He looks resigned to his fate, a man who’s more concerned about leaving his lover behind than dying. Jyn knows he remembers their conversation in bed just as much as she does._

I don’t want to leave you behind.

Please don’t.

_She watches until she can’t see him anymore, until he’s just a dot on a faraway slowly sinking ship. And Krennic, perhaps to drive the nail home, fires once again._

_Stardust goes up in flames, pieces of wood scattering into the ocean, the mainmast falling with a loud splash. It takes a second and it’s all gone._

_Jyn wails until she no longer has a voice. That night, a part of her too is gone._

* * *

She can’t bring herself to sell it so she settles for a compromise. She’s going to return it to the cave where it belongs, let some other poor clown find it if they can. It was never meant to be hers, never meant to be anyone’s, perhaps, but everyone has to learn from their own mistakes.

It should be fine, except the cave is gone. Which is ridiculous because she found it not even five days ago and it was here, she could have sworn the entrance was here, but somehow, she got lost or confused and disoriented, and the damn cave is gone. She dives underwater looking for the entrance several times, resurfacing periodically to catch her breath. All the while, the goblet weighs heavily in her hand, almost like –

It’s a stupid thought, but it’s almost like it’s trying to drag her down. Down into the deep where Cassian awaits her. And the more time that passes, the more she feels like this was a bad idea. She should have told Bodhi where she went, she should have brought him with her – she should just go back and sell the damn thing, but when she looks around, all she can see is water and water and more water. When did those dark clouds roll in? How could she have not noticed a storm approaching?

As soon as she realizes what’s happening, it’s like the sea comes alive around her. Jyn knows she’s in trouble. The waves toss her around like a ragdoll as she fights to stay above water. It keeps pulling her under, spraying saltwater in her eyes and mouth as she gasps for air and moves her limbs desperately to try and find land. She’s an excellent swimmer, but nobody can win against a storm.

She’s not sure how long she fights against the waves, but she’s getting exhausted. Her legs feel heavy, and it’s harder every time to push back to the surface when she goes under. The goblet weighs her down – distantly, she realizes she’s still holding it but she can’t make her fingers let go. Her strength is fading and still, they remain locked tightly around its hilt like they have been welded together.

Then she hears it. _Jyn!_ A voice calling her name, loud and desperate, a voice that sounds like…

Cassian. He finally called out to her.

She sees him in the distance before she goes under, blurry like a mirage. She knows why he’s here. It’d be so easy to join him, she realizes as the water engulfs her again. So easy to let go. Maybe it’s time, she thinks, and her fingers finally loosen around the goblet.

_I’m coming, my love._

And just as she’s about to sink down into the deep, a hand seizes hers and drags her up, above the surface where she gasps and takes in large gulping breaths, coughing up water from her throat. Her lungs burn and her head feels dizzy, her vision blurry and darkening. But she can still make out Cassian’s face above her, staring at her with what seems like worry and relief at the same time.

“Are you here to take me with you?” she breathes, half resigned to her fate. She doesn’t hear his answer, if there is one, and she falls under with the comfort that at least her last moments were spent in the embrace of Cassian.

* * *

_Jyn spends four months at Wobani before she and a couple of inmates manage to escape during a riot. The news spread quickly, causing unrest across every island from there to Havana. Nobody escapes Wobani, but they do and that doesn’t sit right with anyone. The people are scared, the authorities under pressure; there’s a massive search on every port across the Caribbean Sea. It means Jyn Erso must disappear. For good._

_She takes on the name of Kestrel Dawn and returns to the place where she’s last seen Cassian alive. It’s the only thing she can think to do – he’s gone, Stardust is gone, Kay is gone, and the only person left alive who knows that a man named Cassian Andor once existed is her. It’s not enough, but as she stands on the beach at sunrise and places a bouquet of wildflowers on the water, she feels it counts for something._

_It’s there, somewhere in the sea, that he lies at the bottom, waiting for her. As she looks out at the never-ending body of water, she feels a calm wash over her. He’s one with the sea now, everywhere, all around her, always with her._

_The waves lap at her bare feet, the tide rising higher and more insistent. She feels like it’s trying to tell her something, trying to call her home._

_She smiles, taking a deep breath. “Not yet, my love. Not yet.”_

* * *

Jyn wakes up in her cabin and for a moment, all is normal. It takes a second to remember the storm, her losing battle against the waves, and… Cassian.

She sits up slowly, and Bodhi is suddenly by her side, pulling the blanket higher up her body like a worried mother hen.

“Thank god you’re awake! How are you feeling? You gave us quite the scare, Li,” he says all in one breath, and barely stops before adding. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?”

“I…” She squints, still a bit disoriented, staring off into space as memories slowly trickle in. She turns her head towards Bodhi, a realization sitting on her tongue. “I think he saved me.” Tears fill her eyes, too emotional to hide them. “He wasn’t here to take me with him, he was here to save me.”

She believed the legends, she’d given into thinking that he was here to drag her down. Appropriate revenge for a man who had been sacrificed like that for no good reason at all.

But that wasn’t Cassian, it couldn’t be. He’d never harm her, and he didn’t – not even in death. He wasn’t her grim reaper, he was her guardian angel.

“Liana,” Bodhi begins slowly, then awkwardly trails off. She can tell he’s not quite sure how to say what he wants to say.

“What?”

“I did save you,” says a voice from the doorway, and she knows who it belongs to even before she turns her head. Heartbeat in her throat, she lifts her head towards him, slowly, half-afraid that she’s not going to find anyone standing there.

But there he is. Leaning against the doorframe in all his glory, brown leather pants, and a loosely tied white shirt hanging from his frame, dark strands of hair curling against his neck. It’s longer than in her memories, and he’s thinner, too – too thin.

But he doesn’t seem so ghostly in the daylight, with the sun behind his back, and Bodhi looking at him too. He seems quite real, in fact. A gasp is stuck in her throat, her mouth dry at the sight of him. _How is it possible…_

When her gaze finally meets his, he seems just as shaken, awed, disbelieving. Jyn sits up fully, unable to look away as she methodically moves her legs off the bed. His eyes are misty and his hands are trembling a bit – but god, the way he looks at her… it’s the look of a man finding shelter in the middle of a storm.

He used to look at her like that in their private moments – when he was inside her, when they were in bed basking in the afterglow, when she cut down enemies with a single swipe of her sword before he even lifted his pistol.

It’s that look, more than anything, that convinces her this is real.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” she says at last, the only thing she can think to say. _How are you not dead? Where were you?_

“I’ll leave you two be,” Bodhi says. Shamefully, she’s forgotten he’s even in the room. He squeezes her shoulder in comfort before he goes, and she watches him give Cassian a small but encouraging smile as he passes him.

Once he’s gone, Cassian clears his throat. His gaze finally drops, the loss of its intensity making her chest tighten.

“I did save you,” he repeats, his voice rough with emotion. “I saw someone in the water. I didn’t realize it was you until… I was looking for the goblet.”

“I don’t understand,” Jyn gasps, shocked at how high her own voice sounds. She can’t swallow around the ball lodged in her throat.

“I’m not a ghost. I’m not dead, I never was.”

He still hasn’t moved from the doorway, almost like he’s too afraid to come closer. Jyn’s hand tightens around the bed frame.

“I saw the ship sink.”

“It did. And I almost drowned,” Cassian admits, his voice strained. The small laugh he lets out is humorless. “I don’t know how I survived, I really don’t. I guess I was just lucky that those idiots didn’t tie my hands well enough and I was able to break free before the last cannon hit the ship. I don’t remember much after that. I grabbed a plank floating in the water, just trying to hold on. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever make it to land, I must have been out there for days. I was trying so hard not to give up… for you. I had to make it back to you. But I was getting so tired. Eventually, I just…”

He shrugs, a small defeated gesture. His eyes drop to the floor, his shoulders hunched. He looks guilty, ashamed, and Jyn wants to get up, gather him in her arms and never let go, but she has to hear the rest of his story.

“I was washed ashore the next day, barely alive. It was a small remote island, no cities, no villages, no ships. No one lived there. I had no way back home. I was stranded there... for five years.”

He lifts his head up, and the despair she finds in his eyes almost has her doubling over.

“I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again,” he admits, small and heart-wrenching. Jyn closes her eyes, letting her tears run down her face and onto her lap.

“And then?” she croaks, her voice trembling.

“A merchant ship came by about three months ago. They took me back, brought me to Havana. I tried to look for you. I heard you escaped Wobani, but I couldn’t… well, there were no more mentions of Jyn Erso after that. No word of you for five years. I figured you had gone into hiding but I didn’t know how to find you. All I could think to do was… find the goblet.”

A sad smile plays on his lips, his eyes glassy.

“But you found it first. And I found you.”

Jyn takes in a shuddering breath, her whole body trembling.

“It’s gone. I think I let go of it in the water.”

“Good,” he breathes. His eyes find hers again, looking for a sign, an answer. When Jyn gives it to him, inclining her head just so, he cuts across the room in long strides and kneels in front of her. His tear-stained cheeks now match hers.

Tentatively, he takes hold of her hands, and a small desperate sound escapes her mouth at the touch. Her eyes flutter shut when his other hand reaches up to cup her cheek, trembling as she presses her face against his palm.

“Jyn,” he begins, voice hoarse. She can hear the fear in his tone. “Do you still…”

“I do,” she breathes without opening her eyes, without waiting to hear his question. “I do still. I do.”

She tugs on his hand to pull him up, and he goes willingly, his mouth finding hers like it was five years ago and they hadn’t been broken by the world and its cruelty yet. She clings to him desperately, clutching at the collar of his shirt, fingers slipping into his hair, trying to pull him closer as much as she can. The only thing that matters is that every part of her is touching every part of him.

She breaks away, the sound on her lips a strange mix between a laugh and a sob. His lips find her forehead instead and she buries her face in his chest, tears still in her eyes, but listening to his heartbeat steady under her hand.

There’s so much to talk about. So much to catch up on. It feels like a fever dream – she’s afraid to wake up and realize it hadn’t been real. But Cassian holds her tighter, and she knows that in his arms, nothing can hurt her.

They’re finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, you can find me on [tumblr](https://captainandors.tumblr.com/)


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